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I'm glad you asked!
Let's build up:
First of all, the SGA is not trying to pass a resolution making Gordon non-honors, which makes me feel like I had some impact. Also, Dr. Bell thinks I have good opinions on the topic which is an insane ego boost.
More importantly, my hands are sunburnt.
Why does that make me happy?
Because I went on a kayaking trip this weekend. Communed with nature. Met some awesome people. Desperately want to do so again. I can't even explain how calming and rejuvenating such a trip is. Doing something you don't normally do, learning a new skill, meeting badass people, and getting exercise. Basically OPC people are really down to earth and everyone on this trip made it better because we all had such an amazing collective view on life.
Which explains why I was on such a high when we were on the drive back home.
So I was already pretty excited and open-minded when Casie called me and told me I was about to be jealous.
Oh, Casie and Andrew (only the cutest about-to-be-married-June-27th couple ever) are going to New York for Spring Break. They love Conan, so they got three tickets awhile back to see his show March 14th. One for Mike Olsen, a former HON-er.
Anyways, she called and said she had just found out who their musical guest is.
And that I would be jealous.
Oh really? I asked. Who is it?
The Shins.
And I almost cried. But instead, I said, I am SO going!
So, a couple days later and an INSANE amount of calls, bills, and planning later, I am going to New York City. To see my grandparents who I haven't seen in FOREVER. And oh yeah,
TO SEE THE SHINS!
That, my friends, is why I am SO DAMN HAPPY!
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, February 28th, 2007
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| Time: | 5:43 pm. |
| Mood: |  content. |
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It's amazing what a good song on your iPod can do to make a shitty day seem... less so.
As I walked up the engineering key toward the commuter north parking lot, the day seemed less windy, my lungs seemed less congested with dirt. I liked the way the wind blew my hair into my face, tangling it and itching my eyes. In fact, there was even something beautiful about the dust in the air, blurring the lines of the Jones AT&T Stadium and making the light of the sun seem white and weak.
Anyways, that feeling last about until I got to the parking lot and almost fell over a few times. Then driving home, my poor little Saturn could barely stay on the road.
It's pretty cool though- how much music affects me. In fact, it's one of the few things I can count on in life. Whenever I feel down, there's a song guaranteed to make me smile. Whenever I feel happy, there's a song that can easily make me lonely. And when I forget, there's a song that will make me remember. I'm not saying music affects me in a positive way, or negative, it just does.
So, next time the weather gets me down, I'm just going to find a song that will make it not matter. Well, "Open Book" by Cake seemed to work today...
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Monday, February 26th, 2007
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I don't know why I feel compelled to write in this journal versus any other. Well, maybe I do but I'm saying I don't because it's a much better introduction to an entry.
This journal brings back memories. In fact, part of me believed I'd stopped writting in it after graduation when obviously the last entry was a little over a year ago. That says something. In my memory, this journal is very much a part of my past.
But, since I've always been one to cherish and treasure my past, it only makes sense I'd be back here eventually.
I made a new journal after this one. I kept it friends only with people I knew personally. Somehow, it wasn't as theraputic. In our current culture, there's something calming about reaching out to a vast amount of people through the internet. Who we are trying to reach is a mystery. Perhaps we all believe by posting our innermost thoughts we somehow become known beyond our direct sphere of influence.
Maybe so.
It's interesting how our society forms cults around the famous, all desiring to see our names up in lights. Make our Mark on the world. Leave a Legacy. However, the famous we exalt to god-like status seem to want nothing other than to leave the spotlight they spent their life yearning for.
We all want to be important without the inconvenience of being responsible for what we do and say.
In any case, here I am. It's no wonder this journal has retained its allure and theraputic effect on me. It's a means by which I can reach my past, perhaps. In any case, what it represents and holds is my pastpresentfuture and I can't deny that the person I've been is not the person I am and becoming. I don't think we really outgrow who we used to be, in fact, I believe we are most ourselves when we are young and free from the influences of society and family. Not that I believe society and family are bad things, just influences.
In any case, my triumphant return. To this journal. Which seems a silly thing to those friends who I kept on my other journal. Oh geez. I guess I am a silly girl after all.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, February 24th, 2007
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| Subject: | I... |
| Time: | 11:47 pm. |
| Music: | Spoon- The Delicate Place. |
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was watching Spoon on ACL on TV.
They sang "I Summon You."
I missed Michael.
I almost cried.
Stellar climbed in my lap, purring.
I missed this journal.
I posted.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 5th, 2006
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This has been a long time coming. I honestly am tired of writing in this journal. It's too much of who I used to be, and honestly it's current existance serves no purpose because the people I don't mind reading it are busy, aside from the select few who've commented recently. Anyways, I realized this link and many others to my past needs to be severed. After an intense set of bizarre dreams last night, I realized that my past is holding me back. Tomorrow I go back to Lubbock and I don't intend to be home for any longer than a few weeks from now until I graduate. I just feel compelled to erase my past and move on. Anyways, it was a blast.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 3:36 am. |
| Mood: |  tired and still caffeinated.. |
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Ahh that was good fun. As much as I don't like Kirby Lane, it's conveniently open 24 hours a day and perfect for conversations regardless of the ridiculously loud drunk UT fans. Now all I need to do is fix my blinker, dome light, and squeaky brakes before driving back to LBK on Friday. Seriously though, I have tried to fix all three items at least twice before. GRAH Saturn of Austin you suck! Just 400 miles left on my warranty, if they don't fix this...
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Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
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Well, things are getting a little more settled. After completely falling apart this morning, I put myself together and had a better day. Ok, my awesome amazing wonderful fiance came up with a solution to our problem- stay in Lubbock and appease the emotional girlfriend. Basically because USC raised rates it would still cost equally the same amount to go to Tech as USC. So next semester he's going to try to go to Lubbock Christian which fortunately does not charge any out of state tuition, and in six months when he can get residency in Texas he can apply to Tech. Hooray. As for appeasement on his part, I'm going to try to visit SC for a month this summer and maybe move there after graduation so he can go to USC for his masters or something. Hooray! Well, this isn't for sure so keep praying and a GINORMOUS thanks to those who have been praying so far.
On another note I hung out with the amazing BEKAH tonight and I bought books at half-price books. You know, with the money I don't have.
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Monday, January 2nd, 2006
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| Time: | 10:41 pm. |
| Mood: |  frustrated. |
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So my new years was good, regardless of certain small incidents namely the fact Michael will probably have to move back to South Carolina (understandably because his parents offered to help pay for college and because Tech is so much more expensive than USC.) While I understand and support his decision to move back, in fact I encourage it because his education is important to me and it's the right thing for him, I can't help but feel like I've wasted his and my time. Honestly, I should have moved to South Carolina since it is more feasible, but his moving here proves to my family his dedication to this relationship so it wasn't in vain. Now I am considering transfering schools and am asking for prayers while I make that decision.
Oh, and apparently you can get a ticket for failing to slow down 20 miles under the posted speed limit while passing a stopped emergency vehicle, or a cop with his lights on. Funny. Anyone else never heard of this?
Edit:Griffin580: SB 193 requires drivers nearing stopped emergency vehicles-with lights activated -to either slow down or change lanes.
Griffin580: The law states a driver must either vacate the lane closest to the stopped emergency vehicle if the road has multiple lanes traveling in the same direction or slow down 20 miles per hour below the speed limit. (If the speed limit is below 25 mph the driver must slow down to 5 mph.)
Griffin580: A violation is punishable by a maximum fine of $200. If the violation results in property damage, the maximum fine increases to $500. If the violation results in bodily injury, the offense is enhanced to a Class B misdemeanor.
I still think 20 is excessive.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 30th, 2005
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| Time: | 1:08 am. |
| Music: | One of the songs from above :). |
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Yet another thing stole from Allie... I am tired and I don't want to go to bed!
Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play!
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play!
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from!
Step 4: Bold the songs when someone guesses correctly!
(I kinda chose songs that define this year or remind me of it)
1. He's a mean gecko, he doesn't like me at all but I don't care at all. (He bites my finger!)
2. I've been poking a voodoo doll that you do not know I made for you of you, let's see what needles do.
3. Theologians, they don't know nothing about my soul.
4. Too many mountains and not enough stairs to climb, too many churches and not enough truth, too many people and not enough eyes to see, too many lives to lead and not enough time.
5. But the angles and the corners, even though my work is unparalelled, they never seemed to meet. This structure fell about our feet and we were free to go.
6. Lately I've been so happy just holding you and gazing into your eyes like in a movie.
7. Well we want what we're not and we don't wanna stop 'cause it feels right. Or at least it's feelin' good. At least it feels good. I always fall in love too soon, caught beneath the glow of a honeymoon.
8. I can't relax and I can't be a man this far down on a map.
9. If you love it, you leave it cause you hate that you need it. It's one thing you can't have, you're too self-absorbed to change; always my way, my way, my way...
10. One day this chalk outline will circle this city. Was he wrapped in the asphalt that cushioned his face? A room colored charlatan hid in a safe.
11. I can't wait for the day when I hear us all screaming, "here comes the revolution."
12. You got a nice white dress and a party on your confirmation. You got a brand new soul mmm and a cross of gold. But Virginia they didn't give you quite enough information, you didn't count on me while you counting on your rosary.
13. So he slept on a mountain in a sleeping bag underneath the stars, he would lie awake and count them and the gray fountain spray of the great Milky Way would never let him die alone.
14. When I said I loved you, it was because I loved you. When I said I needed you, well I really need you. Yeah, I guess you hurt me, for once you're a man of your word. Well guess what, I'm leaving. I can't be your prisoner.
15. But you've got too much to wear on your sleeves, it has too much to do with me and secretly I want to bury in the yard the grey remains of a friendship scarred.
16. But are you afraid? You always said the world would never last, and I'm not afraid. If we star-wipe all your past away then the sun burns one more day.
17. Where do we go from here? The words are coming out all weird.
18. She's got a serated edge that she moves back in forth, it's such a simple machine she doesn't have to use force.
19. I am a writer, writer of fictions, I am the heart that you call home. And I've written pages upon pages trying to rid you from my bones.
20. But at night the sun in retreat made the skyline look like crooked teeth in the mouth of a man who was devouring us both.
21. Sing all hail, what will be revealed today when we peer into the great unknown, form a line to the throne.
22. You're just too busy seeing red when all I see is blue.
23. No blinding light, or tunnels to gates of white, just our hands clasped so tight waiting for the hint of a spark.
24. She's washed up on his shore, there's no time to get into his life.
25. Think of all the things you've done before, write them in a letter that says reborn.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 12:46 am. |
| Mood: | tired. |
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Because looking back is fun...
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
got engaged, actually had a boyfriend with me for a good amount of time, finished a story (sort of... haha), felt at peace with myself and with life, liked science... haha
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
probably didn't make any, don't really believe in that stuff. no one keeps their new year's resolutions
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no
4. Did anyone close to you die?
allie's dad's death, not that we were close but sometimes I see his friends at Chuy's and it makes me miss him too.
5. What countries did you visit?
mexico
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
money :)
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Gawd. March 12th :) Ummm the day Michael proposed (aaahhh I fail at dates)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
having a healthy relationship with my sister and my boyfriend, getting good grades, finding my work ethic
9. What was your biggest failure?
fixing my relationship with my parents
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
mmm yeah.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
most of the stuff I enjoy is bought for me. oh I know, all of the decorations I bought for my apartment :)
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Michael, Jessica, Aunt Barbara
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
my parents, customers at chuy's
14. Where did most of your money go?
food, apartment
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Michael! getting an apartment, going hiking
16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
A Lack of Color by Death Cab for Cutie, The Good Life's Album of the Year, Hot Hot Heat- Bandages
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? happier
b) Thinner or fatter? same
c) Richer or poorer? oh gawd a lot poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
write
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
spending money
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
with my family of course
21. Did you fall in love in 2005?
yes
22. How many one-night stands?
none, unless you count making out with that guy on the dance floor of Crystals...
23. What was your favorite TV program?
ALIAS! Gilmore Girls
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no
25. What was the best book you read?
Chronicle's of Narnia, The Robber Bride by Margret Atwood
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Decemberists, Death Cab for Cutie, The Mars Volta, Of Montreal, Hot Hot Heat, Coheed and Cambria, Beck
27. What did you want and get?
happiness
28. What did you want and not get?
peace with my past
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Hmm I loved watching old movies with Michael, Blazing Saddles, Indiana Jones, History of the World, stuff like that, also Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Team America
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
turned 19, and I had a party then my sister and boyfriend made me a french breakfast :) :) it was amazing
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
nothing. my year was perfect in all it's imperfections. doing long distance with michael helped me learn his personality before physical stuff interfered, plus it makes me appreciate him more.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
funky classy
33. What kept you sane?
Michael, Jessica, finding God a little more, chocolate, phone sex (haha), music, creative writing
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
hmmm not sure
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
globalization HAHA I'm a nerd
36. Who did you miss?
Sam, Michael when he wasn't around, my friends from Lubbock when I was in Austin, friends from Austin when I was in Lubbock
37. Who was the best new person you met?
getting to know Mike from my club, Ryan's pretty badass too, honestly Colton from work and I've known him what a week he's cool, omg MICHAEL even though I knew him from South Carolina
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
everything happens for a reason, enjoy the bad days because they make your good days good, learn from your mistakes, treat everyone like a human being, knowing where someone is coming from can make all the difference, everyone is unimportant in this life and therefore no one is any better than anyone else
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Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
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| Time: | 3:05 pm. |
| Mood: |  nauseated. |
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Never, ever, drinking that much again. And honestly, I didn't drink that much.
This holiday season has been good to my waistline. I think I'm one of the few people that lose weight in the holiday season. One, too broke to eat out. Two, not enough variety in the food in my house to eat a lot. In any case, it makes my christmas clothing feel extra awesome.
Work today, work tomorrow, leave Friday hopefully as early as possible so I can see my boyfriend at a reasonable hour. Gawd I can't wait. I miss him sooo much.
Ok... back to getting ready/
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Sunday, December 25th, 2005
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100GB external hard drive (by far the best surprise from my dad- he really gives the most thoughtful gifts that are personal)
butt load of clothing
Coach purse with matching wallet and key chain (it makes me happy) from my Aunt
socks from Michael's mom (that are pink and fuzzy... just how I like them)
body massage bars
biosilk w/ gel
sparking purple purse
jewelry
cute brown shoes from nine west
wonderful scarf from tori
makeup and reed diffuser from bekah with fat santa christmas ornament
badass record/candy dish from cari
a cookbook with measuring cups from my grandma! hooray i can make michael cook for me
dish towels
Young Frankenstein and Kronk's New Groove
$100 Walmart Card
$25 Hollister Card
$25 Hollister Card
$25 Gap Card
$25 Old Navy Card
Some of the gifts may seem not cool, but everything was practical and necessary (except for the Coach purse... that was for Christina's happiness)'
OMG I almost forgot Pedro the badass necklace from my sister, and she also got me this awesome jewelry box hand crafted. She also gets the best, most thoughtful gifts.
Now all I need is Michael giftwrapped under the tree... which would actually make me laugh more than anything.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, December 24th, 2005
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Yesterday was a good day. Got the last of my Christmas shopping done, then I went to Chuy's with Tori, Allie, and Cari and had a blast. They are such awesome girls, and fun to be around. Then we saw The Family Stone which I rather enjoyed except for awful AWFUL scenes where I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Then my Auntie came in town!!! We sat around and talked about life, my parents, and life some more. She's helping me come to terms with the fact that it's not my job to make my parents happy. Honestly, if they can't be happy they can't be happy. I have enough of a job keeping myself and Michael happy, not that Michael is hard to please. I'm really excited about Christmas, but then again I'm a child at heart. It's such an atmosphere I love it! Even if the weather isn't cold I love Christmas. I love the lights on the houses, the decorations, the smells, the crisp air that reminds me of firewood burning. Gawd I love this :) too bad I have silly parents that make it worse. Boooo.
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Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
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Hooray for FINALLY being able to see Bekah today!
Tonight I work 4-probably 10:30.
Tomorrow I am seeing Memoirs of a Geisha at 12 at Round Rock 8, anyone can come so far it'll be Bekah and I.
Then, we are going to Christmas shop. Anyone want to meet at Chuy's around 5ish?
Aunt Barbara comes in town!!!
Saturday at 4, Christmas Eve service in Lago Vista holy crap guys.
Then Sunday... CHRISTMAS! Yaaay.
Spending time with Auntie until she leaves I think the 28th.
Dec. 30th going to Lubbock to visit Michael pants. Anyone can come, but be warned that we haven't seen each other for a bit and will possibly cuddle a nauseating amount.
Jan. 2nd coming back from Lubbock.
Jan. 8th heading back to Lubbock. Holy crap that's a lot of driving.
Anyways, there's my schedule. Fit in where you want.
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Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
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Someone want to hang out? Blah. I hate the fact that I can't sleep until like, 2 in the morning at the earliest.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, December 18th, 2005
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| Time: | 5:09 pm. |
| Mood: | exhausted. | | Music: | Death Cab For Cutie- Soul Meets Body. |
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Hooray 3.8 GPA!!! Too bad my parents only love me if I'm skinny and have an unpacked room. Gawd. This is becoming slightly ridiculous. Ok, more than slightly. I'm already emotionally unstable and retarded. Bah Humbug it's time to go to Lubbock haha. Sigh. But at least I got 4 A's and a B :).
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 16th, 2005
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It's the end of 2005 and I suppose that's my excuse for reflecting as much as I've been doing lately, not to mention there aren't a lot of people to talk to right now so I've resorted to an old friend, my livejournal.
I'm trying to forget that I'm leaving Michael for not even two weeks, and it's silly that that's a big deal but I am terrified of going back home and do not want to do it alone. Home has become a sad place, where I fear my parents, their expectations, and their relationship. Supposedly my sister and I strain my parents relationship, and perhaps that's why things are weird at home. Granted, my sister and I do take my father's side but that's because my love for him and vice versa is true and not fake. Anyways, I really need Michael's hand and I won't have it. I get to spent a month feeling fat and insecure around my mother with only one weekend for Michael to hold me. Honestly I should just take this experience and transfer it into my short story which I'm trying to turn into a novel, but I'll probably do nothing over the break to spite my mother. I'm not looking forward to working again, because the line-up at Chuy's has changed and my only salvation will be the waiters but I didn't even leave situations there in ideal places. I have a feeling any plans made or attempted will fall through, and perhaps that's my pessimism or my realism. In any case, I'm not looking forward to home.
In good news, Michael's been offered a job attempt that would greatly help our situation in Lubbock. He'd be making about $2000 a month, which isn't much, but he's got a motorcycle to pay off, rent, insurance, and school to save up for. Plus a hefty credit card debt (thank you Michael's parents and expensive plane tickets). Anyways, if anyone wants to pray for him I'd appreciate it. He's been hating his job lately and needs a change of scenery because his art's been halted and he's so talented I hate to see that wasted.
I've also been thinking about why I love Michael, but I'll spare people :). I'd go watch him sleep some more but he's all cranky with good reason.
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christinafungi's journal
ecstatic.